There are literally thousands of reasons to hate Christmas, for those who are sane of mind. From its over commercialisation, terrible movies, awful music, forced niceties, the giving of gifts to those you despise, to the soul gnawing feelings of loneliness it can inflict upon those who find themselves alone, at this ‘joyous’ time of year. There’s work Christmas parties, where you’re forced to make merry with those you hold in contempt all year long, as you’re made to watch your colleagues copulate on office machinery, and grin cheerily, as your boss dribbles drunkenly over his own shoes, as he dances a terrible dance to terrible music, wearing a colorful paper hat that makes him look like the idiot, that you always suspected he was.
Too many Christmas cards, or not enough Christmas cards. And trees hacked from the ground, dressed gaudily in baubles and tinsel, treasured intensely for a month or so, and then tossed dead without a thought, into the garbage can, alongside those of your neighbours. Did you spend enough, did you receive enough, did it adequately show them how much you love them? Do they love you? And ‘Scrooge’ is on again, to rub salt into your wounds, forcing you to question the reasons you hate Christmas so intensely, and forcing you to ask yourself the question, ‘Will I die alone?’
But fear not, Christmas haters, for your hatred is valid. And if the above argument was not conclusive enough to convince you that your hatred is not only righteous, just, and indeed necessary, then the following videos surely will.
Too many Christmas cards, or not enough Christmas cards. And trees hacked from the ground, dressed gaudily in baubles and tinsel, treasured intensely for a month or so, and then tossed dead without a thought, into the garbage can, alongside those of your neighbours. Did you spend enough, did you receive enough, did it adequately show them how much you love them? Do they love you? And ‘Scrooge’ is on again, to rub salt into your wounds, forcing you to question the reasons you hate Christmas so intensely, and forcing you to ask yourself the question, ‘Will I die alone?’
But fear not, Christmas haters, for your hatred is valid. And if the above argument was not conclusive enough to convince you that your hatred is not only righteous, just, and indeed necessary, then the following videos surely will.
Oscar the Grouch - I Hate Christmas
Forget that he’s called the ‘Grouch’ for a moment if you will, and listen to his words unbiased, because like the Dalai Lama of the Christmas Hating community, this puppet talks sense. If there’s anybody I can truly relate to about Christmas in this world, then it’s ‘The Grouch’ from Sesame Street, because while he may be suffering from a bad case of crazy eye, when it comes to the holiday season, here’s a man (puppet with a mans hand up his bum) who really tells it like it is.
I Hate Christmas - Elmo
This next one is a winner on so many levels, because not only does it represent the destruction of all the ‘plastic-must-have-batteries-not-included-tat’ seemingly at the heart of Christmas these days, but it’s also just great fun watching cute little Elmo kicking and screaming, as he’s torched and absorbed within a large fireball, and burnt down to his smoking/twitching toy-sized terminator-like skeleton.
This next one is a winner on so many levels, because not only does it represent the destruction of all the ‘plastic-must-have-batteries-not-included-tat’ seemingly at the heart of Christmas these days, but it’s also just great fun watching cute little Elmo kicking and screaming, as he’s torched and absorbed within a large fireball, and burnt down to his smoking/twitching toy-sized terminator-like skeleton.
I Hate Christmas - Exploding Santa
The makers of this next video certainly need to be applauded, because nothing gives Christmas the middle finger better than dressing up in camouflage army gear, dragging a headless effigy of Christmas’s most beloved icon out into the country somewhere, and then blowing the crap out of it, while filming it from multiple angles for your later enjoyment.
The makers of this next video certainly need to be applauded, because nothing gives Christmas the middle finger better than dressing up in camouflage army gear, dragging a headless effigy of Christmas’s most beloved icon out into the country somewhere, and then blowing the crap out of it, while filming it from multiple angles for your later enjoyment.
'KA-BOOM!!!!!!' Bye-bye Santa...
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